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Put a baby in her!

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Narcissists and the Weaponisation of Pregnancy

It’s mental health awareness week and I wanted to write a blog to raise more awareness of how perpetrators of domestic and narcissistic abuse can use alarming tactics to entrap their partners .

Put a baby in her, is something I look back at personally through lived experience and understand for me that I wasn’t emotionally aware or educated enough around the danger signs to look out for as a younger version of myself. Ultimately this had a huge detriment on my mental health for many years later.

In chapter 5 of my memoir I write about how I felt very trapped by a partner that I was with for 8 years after becoming pregnant to him in a very short space of time.

Three months into a new relationship, I discovered I was pregnant. Here I was, facing a monumental decision that would alter the course of my life. I made the decision to keep our baby, embarking on a journey fraught with uncertainty yet brimming with hope.

When I look back at this situation he told me that he would leave if I didn’t, which was clearly a red flag that I chose to ignore.

However, as my pregnancy progressed and my partner moved into my home, cracks began to surface in our relationship. His frequent trips to the local pub, coupled with his erratic behavior and alcohol-fueled outbursts, painted a stark picture of the reality I was unwilling to confront. Despite my best efforts to rationalise his actions and cling to the hope of change, the truth remained undeniable.

I found myself trapped in a cycle of abuse, my confidence crumbling under the weight of his relentless criticism and manipulation left me questioning my very existence.

This is definitely not an isolated incident, after speaking with other survivors there is definitely a disturbing trend emerged within certain circles: the weaponisation of pregnancy by narcissistic individuals seeking to assert control and dominance over their partners. This insidious practice, rooted in manipulation and coercion, has far-reaching consequences for victims trapped in its sinister web.

At its core, the “put a baby in her” culture has little to do with starting a family or fostering love and everything to do with power and control. Narcissistic individuals, driven by a sense of entitlement and a desire for dominance, view pregnancy as a means to assert their authority and tether their partners to them indefinitely.

The prevalence of this toxic mindset is exemplified in conversations and media portrayals that casually endorse the idea of impregnating women as a means of securing their loyalty.

What makes this particularly alarming is the profound impact it has on victims ensnared in the abusers grasp. For women caught in relationships with narcissistic partners, pregnancy becomes a tool of manipulation and control, stripping away their autonomy and agency. Instead of experiencing the joy and fulfillment of motherhood, they find themselves shackled to abusive dynamics that threaten their well-being and that of their children.

Confronting the reality of “put a baby in her” culture, it is imperative that we recognise the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse and its devastating effects on victims. By shedding light on this dark reality and challenging the pervasive myths that perpetuate it, we can empower individuals to break free from the cycle of manipulation and reclaim control over their bodies and their lives.

Ultimately, the weaponisation of pregnancy is a stark reminder of the urgent need for greater awareness, education, and support for victims of narcissistic abuse. Only by standing together and amplifying the voices of survivors can we hope to dismantle the toxic systems that enable such harmful practices to thrive. Let us unite in solidarity against narcissistic abuse, ensuring that no one is ever held captive by the insidious machinations of those who seek to exploit and manipulate.

During Mental Health Awareness Week, it’s crucial to recognise the intersection between narcissistic abuse and mental well-being. Victims of narcissistic manipulation often endure profound psychological trauma, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The weaponisation of pregnancy by narcissists further exacerbates these mental health challenges, trapping victims in cycles of fear, shame, and isolation.

Here are some useful tips around becoming more aware;

Educate Yourself: Learn about the tactics and patterns of narcissistic abuse, including reproductive coercion. Understanding the red flags and warning signs can help you recognise manipulative behavior early on.

Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your gut feelings and intuition. If something feels off or manipulative in the relationship, trust yourself and take action to protect your well-being.

Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them assertively with your partner. Be firm in your values, priorities, and reproductive choices, and don’t compromise them for the sake of the relationship.

Maintain Independence: Preserve your financial independence, social connections, and autonomy. Avoid becoming overly dependent on your partner for support or resources, as this can make you more vulnerable to manipulation.

Use Birth Control Safely: Take control of your reproductive health by using birth control methods that you trust and feel comfortable with. Consider options like long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARCs) that are more difficult for the narcissist to tamper with.

Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and professionals who can provide guidance, validation, and assistance if you’re facing manipulation or coercion.

Document Incidents: Keep records of any incidents of reproductive coercion, manipulation, or abuse. This documentation can serve as evidence if you need to seek legal protection or support.

Seek Professional Help: If you’re in a manipulative or abusive relationship, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or domestic violence advocate. They can provide guidance, resources, and strategies for safely navigating the situation.

Have a Safety Plan: If you’re concerned for your safety or well-being, create a safety plan to protect yourself and your children. This may involve seeking emergency shelter, contacting the police, or accessing legal assistance.

Know Your Rights: Familiarise yourself with your legal rights and options in cases of reproductive coercion or domestic abuse. Seek legal advice if you’re unsure of your rights or need assistance navigating the legal system. link to my book and other services

Are You Dating A Narcissist – Quizzical ( free quiz Heal with the Reel podcast

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